Singleness: Learning to Appreciate Your Season of Becoming

As I find myself newly single after losing my husband to cancer, I find myself discovering me. Having been married since my early 30’s, I realize that there are opportunities for God to not only bring about healing in my life but to also reveal me to myself. I had forgotten that it is ok to put myself first. Singleness isn’t a badge of dishonor or something to be ashamed of.

God is teaching me to rely fully upon Him for all of my needs as well as my desires – those ones that I had buried under the cares of being there for everyone else. In the process of learning to hear His voice more clearly, I am thankful for the alone time. Yes, I said, “I am thankful for the alone time.” This is not something many people can understand, yet there is such peace in those moments. It’s a time when I can zone in on myself and God.

Now, I will admit that I desire the company of a companion (a husband to be specific as I am not the “let’s just chill” type) in the future. I believe God designed us to be in relationships that strengthen us and develop us in order to fulfill our purpose. Therefore, I will wait until the appointed time for Him to add someone to my life, but I am fully resting in Him to do the adding and not my flesh – He knows what’s best. In the meantime, I can appreciate the time of simply… becoming

I believe in the season of becoming, most people get anxious here because of the uncertainty as to what lies ahead. This is unexplored terrain of unfamiliarity and newness. 

When you’re growing into who God called you to be, it will feel uncomfortable. There will be times of uncertainty, times of loneliness, times of quietness, times of questioning, times of wondering – but God is present in all of those times!

READ: 5 Intentional Ways to Practice Self-Love

As I am becoming more confident in who God is in my life, I am building my faith in His promises. I am able to stand on His word with assurance. I am understanding my journey – mistakes and all. I am giving myself the love that I pour out into others because a part of becoming is knowing that I deserve all of me.

Being single isn’t a oneness kind of alone, but rather a oneness in Christ – a powerful connection to which once fully developed or charged can be shared with someone ordained by God. 

I look at life from the perspective of hope. There is not a half-empty/half-full perspective for me. Because God is and I believe all things in Him are fully possible.

Therefore, because my hope rests in Him, I will be full in every area of my life. As you wait, as you hope too in Him, I pray for you to understand that you are being poured into for the benefit of being fully ready! You are not alone – you are joined in oneness with Christ!

As you are becoming:

Spend time building your relationship with God.

❖ Attend church, study the Word, pray and trust Him with your every need and desire.

Try new things.

❖ Get out of the house, go places in your area, meet new people and be open to getting out of your comfort zone.

Travel & explore new adventures.

❖ Go where you have never gone before, trust God and plan a trip (it can be a 2-hour drive to visit a friend).

Date yourself.

❖ Take yourself to the movies and out to dinner, enjoy your time by yourself, get dressed up and spoil yourself.

Work on being your best self.

❖ Exercise, eat right, rest, read and relax – enjoy life fully.

The Take-Away: You are such a blessing! Your life isn’t based on your marital status, it’s based on your heavenly status in Christ. Don’t live in the waiting; live in the becoming–the moments where God is preparing you to receive the desires of your heart. He hears your prayers and He knows what you want. Trust that it is already done! Now, you are to do your part which is to become that one who is ready to receive – it’s time to get in alignment!

Helping You Live a More Purposeful Life

Action Steps:
• How are you spending your time becoming – what are you doing?
• Which one have you already practiced before and which one(s) are new to you?


  1. Hello Denise, I have enjoyed reading your article, and here are my responses to your questions.
    Answer #1 – I have dedicated my life to serving God and becoming who He has called me to be. My faith is essential in my ministry, and I have become sensitive to the leading and prompting of the Holy Spirit. Exercising blind faith is required for me to accomplish God’s will, and not being able to see the entire staircase always challenges my position. Through prayer and godly wisdom, I am hopeful for a positive outcome.

    Answer #2 – These four items that you mentioned spoke to my spirit. #1 – Part of who I’m becoming is knowing that I deserve all of me. #2 – Being single is a oneness with God, not an alone-oneness. #3 – I am being poured into so that I can become fully ready. #4 – Live in the moment. Live in the becoming where God is preparing you to receive your heart desires. The first one struck a chord for me because it seemed to be a new way to say, “include all of yourself as part of self-care and self-love.” Reading your article has opened my eyes to who I have become.

  2. Thank you for your comments and I am thankful that you were able to gain inspiration from it.

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