Everyone comes into a relationship with wounds that aren’t completely healed. The right relationship will allow you to unpack those issues without judgement as you, in turn, will be able to do the same. The result is both parties receive healing. God designed relationships to make you better, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17)
God will give you what you need most often for your growth and healing, but it may not be what you expect. Learn to accept and appreciate the differences you may have as it’s for your good.
Healing requires complete honesty. It cannot be masked or protected because of fear. It must be vulnerable; free to speak its truth. When you enter into a relationship, it’s vital to build trust. Trust establishes safety, which is necessary for you to unpack your issues without feeling ashamed. A safe relationship will allow you to let down your walls. You will feel seen and heard and be allowed to grow because you have the love and support you need.
You have the responsibility to govern your emotions while in the process of unpacking your issues. You may be tempted to internalize their response as negative because of feelings of inadequacies. A part of healing is recognizing that your current relationship isn’t the source of your pain, it’s the place of your restoration.
“A part of healing is recognizing that your current relationship isn’t the source of your pain – it’s the place of your restoration!”
–Denise J. Meggett
How to start unpacking your issues in a safe relationship:
Trust God to assist you in the process.
❖ Sometimes it may feel like you are alone, yet God is an ever-present friend always there to help you with anything. Acknowledge Him as your source of strength.
Establish proper timing.
❖ It’s in the delivery that people often fail to connect in relationships. Don’t assume the perfect time to have such an important conversation is solely based on your schedule. Consider setting up a specific time. Doing so assures that you will hold yourself accountable for following through with beginning the process.
Be completely honest.
❖ Relax! Breathe! Speak Your Truth! This may seem like a daunting task, but if you ever want to be healed of your issues, now is the time to open up and talk. Now, realize that you are not in therapy with a professional. However, talking about what hurt you will expose the lie that the enemy uses to hold you in bondage.
– You are NOT what happened to you.
– You are NOT weak.
– You are NOT a failure.
– You are NOT unworthy of love.
– You are NOT deserving of what happened to you.
Expect healing to come gradually.
❖ Healing is not an overnight thing. Those wounds that left you scared will not completely disappear. However, through God’s love, time, and honest communication – you will eventually get to a place where what used to bother you won’t make you cringe. Gradually you will notice life will seem different because you will grow from this process!
The Take-Away: Healing belongs to you! Don’t live a life locked away in your pain because you feel unworthy. When you are in a safe relationship, it is an opportunity to be delivered from what has been tormenting you for years. God desires you to live free from your issues – able to receive love. When you live under the belief that you must accept your pain – you can’t fully receive love or give it. When you are free – you become your most authentic self which, was designed to fulfill a purpose. Your healing is connected to what God has called you to do – don’t allow fear to stop your purpose from being birthed!
Helping You Live a More Purposeful Life
• Are you in a safe relationship where you can start the healing process? If not, seek professional help from a therapist or trained counselor at your local church.
• Does this process frighten you? Why or why not? Express how you feel about sharing your issues in the relationship.